::Wallahi Watallahi Wabillahi::

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:: Here is my journey! ::

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Thursday, November 22, 2012

::Save Palestine and Syria::

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah

nothing much to say here. as I am quite busy this few weeks.
but it's not wrong to spare sometimes to share something about save palestine and syria.

Everyone knows they are suffering right now. Do something guys!

we know that we are still in Malaysia.

We have no idea when the time come for us to jihad fi sabilillah together with our brothers and sisters there.

but that doesn't mean that we can sit still , doing nothing.

1. Pray for them with all your hearts to Allah SWT. Amin
2. Donate.

erasi dan pengurusan umum HALUAN

Nama Akaun: HALUAN
No Akaun: 14-023-01-000881-3
Bank: Bank Islam Malaysia Berhad

Bantuan kecemasan dan bencana

Nama Akaun: HALUAN
No Akaun: 14-023-01-002571-8
Bank: Bank Islam Malaysia Berhad

Sumbangan, bantuan atau tajaan anak-anak yatim dan fakir miskin

Nama Akaun: Tabung Amanah Asnaf HALUAN
No Akaun: 12-038-01-007164-2
Bank: Bank Islam Malaysia Berhad

Tabung Palestin

Bantuan dan sumbangan khusus untuk projek kesedaran dan bantuan mangsa kekejaman rejim haram Zionis di Palestin:
Nama Akaun: Tabung Palestin HALUAN
No Akaun - BIMB14-023-01-003429-2
No Akaun - Maybank5644 9020 8528

3. Boycott
4. Make an intention that 1 day, you will go there and do your jihad fisabilillah.

I couldn't be boasting about my future career if I am not the one who can help and treat them with my own bare hands.


Monday, November 12, 2012

::Finding the best way to get closer to Him::

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

Allahumma ssolli A'la saiyidina Muhammad wa a'la aali Muhammad.

Today, I think I can't stand any longer the pressure.

Yes. The pressure

Pressure of being an ignorance Muslim.

I can't stand it.

I always feel that I am not doing the right thing

always bounded by something

My relationship with Allah?

Trying hard to cling to Him eventhough I know it by myself I am slowly slowing down my pace.

Isn't that suppose not to happen?

But I don't know why. sadly said!

Astaghfiruullah ...

Do you ever feel like...

"am I doing a right thing?"
"why can't I be khusyuk in my solat?"
"why this tears doesn't come out ....?"
"My heart getting 'cold!'"
"O, I am hopeless muslim!"

I think I done so many sins regardless minor or major sins, but I must have done something wrong.

I have wronged Allah in many ways that I myself perhaps did not realised it.

Please forgive me, O Allah for my wrongdoings.

Please forgive me.

I'll try my best to be more alert in anything that I do. InsyaAllah....

Guys out there, no matter how much sins that we might have done to Allah, don't forget to hurry realise the things and hurry get yourself  back to Him, remember Him, and trust Him.

Let's pray for the best of Ummah. amin.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

::Writing from my heart::

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah

Hi everyone there.! May Allah bless your day and place us all in His Jannah. Amin

Today. no. actually it has been a week since I started to feel something grow deep down inside my heart.

To you guys reading this, for your information , I have 4 nephews, 1 had just passed away few years ago, he was still a small baby at that time. and the rest 3 are all naughty!

In other people opinion, they might regard me as quite a loud-cute aunty..(nak jugak letak cute!). I not a type of auntie who pamper my nephews like kissing and hugging them all the time. because I am just not among the type. I am more to like 

"eh eh...jangan main luarrrrrr......."
"habiskannnn nasikkk tuuuuuuu...."
"jangan gadoh gadoh..."(sambil tangan pegang hanger)

sometimes, I do admit the fact that I really want to sayang-sayang with them. soemtimes, I managed. sometimes quite so-so...and I am trying until now. to be more gentle to them. 

and this 1 week, I am currently doing my paediatric posting. and for sure, starting my everyday life looking those innocent faces. the different between them and my nephews is they are sick. 1 of my nephew actually having this kind of asthma. but it should be ok up to now. InsyaAllah

you know, I never entertain or play like crazy with kids other than my nephews and my little brother(when he was so small back then). 

that was my world and story with kids. but now, Allah gives me these bulk of kids to be entertained. and they are all so pure and innocent...


I just realised how innocent and pure my nephews are. same go with these kids in the ward...How I miss my nephews...! 


I started to grow fond on them. admiring them. smiling and laughing alone by watching their actions. so innocent, NO SINS at all, very pure, and the list goes on........ 

and realising that how sincere I am writing about them now :)  

and realising that Allah create us, as a women, by nature, will change according to the surroundings, become more mature, more motherly and become more stronger in facing this very difficult life. Alhamdulillah....Thank you Allah for all the gives. Thank you Allah!

These are the faces that make me smile everyday....

I met him at surau at my college <3 td="td">

My first patient in Paeds ward.. Ekmal Akhbar 4 y/o

His bed was next to Ekmal. 

Picture was taken when I was in O&G posting

Picture taken when I was doing my O&G

Last but not least, one of my bodyguard(my nephew)...Amsyar.

so I guess, I need to be more postive and more sincere since I have to face these sincere faces everyday... 
InsyaAllah.....and also reflecting myself....as a servant of Allah....because I was like these kids also 21 years ago. 

Seperti mana hadis Rasulullah saw,” anak itu ibarat seperti kain putih,ibu bapalah yang akan mencorakkannya menjadi nasrani, yahudi ataupun majusi”

May you guys become good servants of Allah! amin...

p/s : 
to one of my friend in this blogger world, may you live a good life...towards the best life as a muslim.
life and tests from Allah is like a twin. As long as you live and breath, you will be tested by Allah. 
The tests might come from your friends, parents, family, finance, and importantly yourself. 
 If you are trying to run from the problems or tests, then you are good for nothing. 
 Try to adapt yourself to the situation, no matter how hard it is
 InsyaAllah, you will be fine.  
Plus,you have been good to me although we are just knowing each other in  this so called fantasy world. 
and I know you encountered many problems with the people around you.  as I just know you by reading your blog,and the things that you wrote in your blog is just a small part of your problems, isn't ?
I can't simply ask you the rest of your problems that you might keep it within yourself, but try to console yourself. Allah know everything in your heart. You are nowhere to hide. 
I do have my own problems too. and the things that I wrote in my blog is just 20 % of my life. I did not write all of them because I regard them as my very own private secrets to Allah. Allah knows how deadly I am consoling myself to face them all. That is life. . 
anyway, I am still your Kak Sath (as you are the only one name me Kak Sath)
You know I am also trying my deadly best to become a good muslim. and I wish you the same too. 
be good to people, and let them be if they are treating us badly. Leave it to Allah. 

I guess, that's all from me. ya.. today's post quite sincere...

And lastly, don't forget to pray for our brothers and sisters in Syria, Palestine, Myanmar and others. amin.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

::2012 Aidiladha::

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah

Alhamdulillah..terima kasih Allah ..bagi lagi aku peluang hidup. Alhamdulillah.
Salam dan selawat ke atas junjungan Rasulullah, ahlul bait, sahabat2 baginda
muslimin muslimat mukminin mukminat seluruh dunia

"Allahuakbar Allahuakbar ...."

takbir raya bergema. walaupun bukan lah raya aidilfitri, cuma aidiladha tapi tidak kurang penting dalam hidup umat islam.

Sesungguhnya Kami (Allah) telah memberi engkau (ya Muhammad) akan kebajikan yang banyak. Oleh itu dirikanlah solat kerana Tuhanmu ( pada Hari Raya Haji) dan sembelihlah (binatang) korbanmu (sebagai ibadah dan mensyukuri nikmat Tuhanmu).” (Surah al-Kauthar : ayat 1-2)

walaupun takde baju raya untuk aidil adha (eh...ade ke org buat?)

tapi ibrah sempena hari mulia ni banyak yg kita ambik.

ingat tak kisah Nabi Ibrahim A.S? dan anaknya dan isterinya???

I know you know.......ahaaaaa (Oh My English!)


jom la kita ingat balik kisah tersebut. entah mana aku baca hari tu....
kisah pasal Nabi Ibrahim...mungkin dari blog bro Hilal kalau tak silap.

terkenang aku betapa tabahnya seorang...bukan seorang...tapi satu keluarga Nabi Ibrahim...tengok kisah Siti Hajar carik air untuk anaknya Nabi Ismail? sungguh menakjubkan .

satu, tengok betapa tabahnya , sabarnya seorang yang bergelar kaum hawa taat kepada perintah Allah tanpa 'compromise' (maaf...tak ingat apa perkataan sesuai dalam bm...'mengeluh' ke?)

kedua, tengok kaum isteri sabar taat dengan suami dan sokong Nabi Ibrahim....kalau tengok drama melayu sekarang...fuhhh....suara isteri2...terkedu aku...itu baru drama..belum yang betul-betul....nauzubillah min zalik

dan banyak lagi yang kita dapat ambik iktibar ...dan teruskan jadi hamba Allah yang terbaik yang termampu kita lakukan....AYUH!!!!

tetiba semangat......

dan tengok mak aku masak...semnagat betul nak sambut aidiladha...jadi tersenyum sendiri dengan kesemangatan dia....


p/s: maaf kali ni guna 'aku' ..rasa macam best pulak...... (jakun.....!maklumlah...sarawak guna kamek kitak...aku dengan kawan2 tak guna aku kau melainkan dengan budak laki...)

p/s:aku tengah cuba nak masukkan balik lagu yang aku minat kat blog. (wink* wink*)... tengok lah berhasil tak hasil yang aku cuba nih.....

P/s : doakan journey Dr. J...(entry yang aku dah hapuskan dari sini....)

p/s: nah..baca la entry terbaru Tok Guru Nik Aziz yang terbaru nih..... ::SINI...SILA BACA!!::

Jangan lupa korang ...Doa untuk saudara2 kita yang kat Syria, Burma, Palestin, Mesir, dan semua muslim yang ada kat dunia nih... amin!


Monday, October 1, 2012

::Jalan Masih Panjang::

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah...to all.

and the story begins...

1. Hey, I am annoyed enough. Astaghfirullah

As I told you many times, I am currently doing O&G posting. tempat org beranak tu . Peace!
and it is ?compulsory for each of us to conduct 1 or more labour/baby delivery.[SO YOU THINK WE ARE CAPABLE ENOUGH? STOP IT]
 At first, I was really excited to conduct.
however, there were many obstacles came in my ways.

3 times conduct half-way je. [Don't you have gut to conduct it till the end,huh? what? err..huh?]

first time, when it was the time for delivery. and I was standing beside the patient, wearing apron, sterile gloves and even face mask! [what an embarrassing!]

suddenly, the baby was having shoulder dystocia. [see, kan takde rezeki nak conduct?]
I put off my CLEAN APRON AND STERILE GLOVES inside the yellow bin. buang mcm tu je padahal tak kotor pun.

I was a bit dissapointed. I was waiting almost 4 hours just to get the baby out. grieving together with the patient whom was in pain. I was in pain too..:( .. what a fruitless ending that day!

second time, I was rejected by the respected nurses. they were very reluctant to allow me to handle the patient.first because I was just entering the room like I am the head of department, kot.. second, I did not taking care of the patient form A to Z... I was burning inside crazily. Astaghfirullah. Ok. Fine,next time I will conduct another patient form A to Z . and don't you ever dare to say anything like that...[burning burning burning! La Taghdab....]

[Told you, I am not capable enough. dont you know 'cuak face'?]

Third time, after so many times had been wasted,
with this bare face, once again, entered the labour ward with the ultimate hope that I will conduct a patient that day. everything went smooth. Alhamdullilah.....
and when the patient was ready to deliver, everyone was like rushing here and there. and they knew I wanted to conduct the delivery. and I was wearing my STERILE GLOVES and they waited for me like forever....ouch, why the gloves didn't went in smoothly, and by the time I managed to wear the STERILE GLOVES (sterile la sgt kan?)...the baby was out already ..sob sob sob..(baby, dont you have any guts to be delivered by this poor and pitiful kakak? ? ? oh baby.....why?)...at the end,, my incredible task was just wiping the baby's face..[I am capable for this task... anyway]. but still the baby face did not clean. what a freaking weak me! but at the end, the kind nurse at last allowed me to take out the placenta. I was so excited dalam sedih. keluarkan placenta pun, hadeh, very embarassing as well. well, I am just a learner.
I was afraid that I would injured and hurt my patient. And Alhamdulillah... the placenta went out easily..... wink*

Fourth time
This time , I was so motivated to conduct a real baby. not a placenta, not just wiping the face, not just standing there like a useless dummy....

I was taking care the patient from A to Z (again>/??)

and managed to accompanied until the delivery time...and when she was straining to push the baby out, suddenly, 2 nurses came in... sorry, dik... this patient is a teacher. let us conduct her....

what???? Oh NOOOOOOO....

again, I had wasted their CLEAN AND STERILE GLOVES AND APRON!

but the thing is I was crying my heart out.(you know why? because I was so angry and I could not say anything. If I just let it out the things inside my heart, I might hurt them or make them even mad. So Islam taught me the beauty of being a sabar person. I wanted to folloe Rasulullah's attitude (akhlak)...sabar sabar sabar...and at the end, could not stand the pressure, I just let my tears out,... that would put out the 'fire' inside my heart...

so that;s my complicated notorious boring story....

Tiadalah terjadi sesuatu bencana itu melainkan dengan kehendak Allah, dan siapa yang percaya kepada Allah nescaya dipimpin Allah hatinya" (Surah At-Taghabun:11)

2. another lesson that I should never take it lightly..

I was having dinner with my 3 friends at this kedai makan.
when I was leisurely chatting with my friends(sambil bajet bawak buku untuk dibaca..bacalah sangat kan?)
one waiter approach me and gave me a card. with somebody's name on it.

oh rupanya one guy that was eating in front of me waving his hand to me.


so you're expecting me to throw this card in front of your face ? (dalam imaginasi)

and I was making my no-no response.
and he just went away like that... perhaps he understood my response.

when we were in car, talking about the 'problem'
so I came out with this words...

"kan bagus kalau orang tu dah kahwin...confirm takde org brani buat cam tu... and the thing is, he might be giving away his cards to countless ladies. tak baik lelaki buat mcm tu.... it was rude and insulting . as if he didnt respect me...this is wrong....this not supposed to happen..." I was a bit angry..(kan, marah lagi....) because he didnt respect me....

and that what's made me think kahwin is the best solution. and if I am not getting married yet, (jauh lagi la nampaknya..), I told myself, "don't worry, Allah will protect you....O Allah, I trust in you...I am just a weak servant of You. ..jauhkanlah hambaMu dari apa kejahatan yang telah Engkau takdirkan..Engkau Yang Maha Mengetahui...Ampunkan dosa-dosaku....

I was thinking,, this is a test from Him...in wards, this is reality, they are many patients come in with unmarried status. and they are muslims. this is a lesson that we, as a girl/women/lady need to take into a serious matter....

Back to hostel, I threw away the card into the rubbish bin.

and my best friend offered me to listen to this song....


have a great time listening!

I wanted to put this as background song for my blog...tapi it would  be much disturbing for some people,kan??? haaa...nevermind la....

Orang-orang yang beriman itu akan menjadi tenteram hati mereka. Ingatlah dengan mengingati Allah itu hati akan menjadi tenteram" (Surah Ar-Rad:28)

and don't forget to keep reminding yourself that to pray for Syrians, Palestinians, Burma and all muslim fellows all over the world... the bad people have all the weapons, but trust it, we have Allah and our strongest weapon is make a lot of du'as for them ..amin

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Another ?endless life story of mine

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah

hey there, I'm back again. you must be thinking. "this girl has nothing to do despite blogging blogging and blogging?"

I'm thinking the same way too, there.

For your information, my E-day is just around the corner. freaking me out. !
I'm not reading anything yet ! nothing hanging here, in my brain. O&G posting actually is not extremely packed unlike medicine posting before. and not too late to inform that, Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah for giving me another blessing and I passed the medicine posting exam.

and I should be more concentrate for my 0&G posting, anyway.

anyway, I want to say..."O Allah, forgive all my sins and place me in Your Jannah (Paradise) . And so with my parents, my family, my friends, and my muslim fellows all over the world. amin"

                                                sempat jugak :)

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Thinking of them

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah

I just want to drop by to share this video. please watch it.

Inside Syria: one hospital's story

"they betrayed us..."

this touched my heart very much.

"they are rich, but they betrayed us"

O Allah, please save my muslim fellows in Syria, Palestine. amin.

Friday, September 21, 2012

::Chapter 15 : So it so true::

In the Name of Allah, the Benificent, the Merciful

Alhamdulillah(All praises to Allah) for giving me another chance to live.

                                         it is just another day right? 

so, in Islam, the true believers always wanted and desired to be a better person for tomorrow. a way better than yesterday. Be prayerful to Allah, remembering Him in every aspect of our lives. and always believe that Prophet Muhammad Peace Be Upon Him was the last messenger of Allah. Prophet Isa (Jesus) is the messenger of Allah too, yet He prayed to Allah to become one of the follower of Prophet Muhammad in the Day of Jugdement. Open your eyes. It is all perfectly explained in the Al-Quran that Prophet Isa himself denied that he was a god. He claimed that he was His servant and messenger that was ordered to preach people to embrace the religion that believe in non other than Allah as the creator. 

Isn't too illogical and hard for the non-believers to understand and open their eyes (ain't the truth is to open your hearts?) . Simple! 

This is some verse that I have quote from one of the Chapter/Surah in the Quran.

Surah Ali-Imran : 60 (Chapter 3 : Verse 60)

الْحَقُّ مِن رَّبِّكَ فَلاَ تَكُنْ مِّن الْمُمْتَرِينَ ﴾
((This is) the truth from your Lord, so be not of those who doubt.) ﴿3:60
﴾ When Allah mentioned that He created him as a servant and a Prophet, He extolled Himself, the Most Holy, by saying,

﴿مَا كَانَ للَّهِ أَن يَتَّخِذَ مِن وَلَدٍ سُبْحَـنَهُ﴾
(It befits not (the majesty of) Allah that He should beget a son. Glorified be He.) Means glory be unto Him, He is far exalted above that which these ignorant, wrongdoing, transgressing people say about Him.
--> so obviously there is no God except Allah
-->Prophet Isa(Jesus) was not a god and not even His son. 

﴿إِذَا قَضَى أَمْرًا فَإِنَّمَا يَقُولُ لَهُ كُن فَيَكُونُ﴾
(When He decrees a thing, He only says to it: "Be!'' -- and it is.) Whenever He wants something, He merely commands it and it happens as He wills. This is as Allah says,

﴿إِنَّ مَثَلَ عِيسَى عِندَ اللَّهِ كَمَثَلِ ءَادَمَ خَلَقَهُ مِن تُرَابٍ ثُمَّ قَالَ لَهُ كُن فَيَكُونُ - الْحَقُّ مِن رَّبِّكَ فَلاَ تَكُنْ مِّن الْمُمْتَرِينَ ﴾

Verily, the likeness of `Isa before Allah is the likeness of Adam. He created him from dust, then said to him: "Be'' -- and he was. (This is) the truth from your Lord, so be not of those who doubt.) ﴿3:59-60﴾
-->obvoiusly Prophet Isa was just a human. not a God. 

I am done with my part. correction. I am done with my tiny minute role in explaining to the non-believers that Prophet Isa was not a God. or not one of the trinity. He is  a prophet of Allah(the messenger of Allah). Allah had ordered him to preach people to embrace Islam. Knowing the existence of Allah. 

 I am just afraid that in the Day of Judgment, Allah will ask me "what have you done for Islam?"

can I just shaking my head shamelessly? proud that I'm doing nothing for Islam ? I am afraid of being throwing into The Hell and can't even get myself a way out of it. 

I want to enter The Paradise and not The Hell.

O Allah, I am so afraid of my ignorance. Please forgive my sins... 

DOn't you afraid? 

So I think, I don't even helping my fellow muslims in Palestine, Syria, Egypt and other muslim countries . With that, I feel extremely sinful. Tears falling down by watching they are being killed, tortured and raped. 

those people kill my muslim brothers and sisters heartlessly. ! and I'm sitting here peacefully? 

I am sinful. I am not hating the non-believers. I am truly not. It just that, in my age, I guess there are so many manipulation of the facts in the 'Book" that you've read. who is empowering your 'Book' system? A human or a God? why it is always changing from time to time and from what I know, there is old and new testament? Does one 'book' is not perfect enough to lead and guide you? 

I am not a good preacher of Islam. but I know and extremely certain that Al-Quran is the most perfect 'book' that I ever read. there is no old version or new version of Al-Quran. It is the same as what Prophet Muhammad had taught us. it's the same.

I am also just a beginner on this journey of reaching to Allah. Again, be prayerful to Allah.
 I am not as great as these scholars. They are debating with the non-believers about the truth of Islam.  and they made a lot of success outcomes.

 I am not good when talking about Islam. but as a human being, I cannot denied that Islam is the only faith that taught me the meaning of being a grateful person, positive person, I feel extremely tranquil if I pray to Allah or even just remember Him while walking....

All these while, people around the world are being deceived about how extremist and terrorist the believer of Islam. they bombed themselves, they destroyed the World Trade Centre and so on and so forth and it is endless.
Please, can't you see the world is getting cruel..(already cruel a long time ago!). Those cruel people conquered the world network systems and telling to the world that muslim believers are terrorist. Heck, those cruel people can't even catch a fly and boasting to the world how great they are by killing our muslims fellows around the world. 

You just have to wait. Allah is watching your cruelness. 

and most importantly, I can see the 'light'
I know I am walking in the 'light'
I know paradise (syurga/jannah) is my ultimate goal.
May Allah open your hearts to think about the truth of Islam. 

Otherwise, I am not deserve to judge you. But Allah does. 
 but beware. In Al Quran, Allah promised that He will bless the muslims with the victory.

Chapter 110,verse 1-3 (Surah An Nasr:1-3)

1.When the victory of Allah has come and the conquest
2.And you see the people entering into the religion of Allah in multitudes
3.Then exalt [Him] with praise of your Lord and ask forgiveness of Him. Indeed, He is ever Accepting of repentance.

Ask for His forgiveness. Feel free to trace the beauty of Islam. 
more information on Islam, feel free to visit this website 

                                Guide Us Tv


Thursday, September 6, 2012

::Dan aku berjalan lagi...::

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

Dan bila aku sedar, aku berjalan penuh semangat, langkah demi langkah kaki kuhentak
berjanji tidakkan berhenti walau apa yang terjadi
namun kusedar, kaki ini bisa lemah juga
ketawa dengan kelemahan sendiri
belum mencecah angka 3 tahun pula
manakan ku letak wajah di hadapan Allah
sekejap saja bisa lemah semula
nah, terbukti aku manusia
walau ku usahakan juga untuk berjalan
tangisan, jeritan semangat melaung laung
harapkan agar kaki kuat semula
namun ku sedar, jika aku teruskan jua, mungkin bisa cedera dan berhenti sebentar
Nah, itu yang parah

kulihat hamba-hamba Nya yang lain memecut laju meninggalkan aku
layakkah aku untuk cemburu?
bodoh untuk cemburu
baik usaha sendiri sahaja bagaimana bisa memecut seperti mereka

aku tidak mampu untuk berhenti
tidak mampu untuk berehat
biar lah aku merangkak bagai si kura kura
biarlah aku mengengsot bagai sang siput
aku tidak mahu berhenti
Mengejar dan mencari cinta dan redha Allah
google image
doakan aku,kalian kalian.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

From That Dark Narrow Tunnel

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

I've no idea why am I so excited to share this story. perhaps to spread the happiness to everyone? or just to improve my english writing [Oh my English ! ]

Today, I went into the labour room [tempat orang bersalin tu..] ...

... to observe the struggling mother delivering her baby...

I was standing at one of the corner of the small labour room, it was 9pm when I started to stand there, (not much like a dummy ), watching the lady, at that time,.

When she was broke down in tears for the honest-to-goodness pain of the labour, I knew I had to hold back my voice, and most most most importantly my stomach content!

"now now.." whispering to myself.

the mother was extremely in pain. with the flushed face indicating how hard she was straining just to get the baby out to see the world. this temporary  world  subhanallah... Allah Is The Greatest.

and so I started to say..'now baby... you are in the starting line , charting your own life in the long journey and to Allah you shall return at the end of the day... be a muslim ok?' sadly said because the innocent baby came out to the world by a non-muslim mother. and May Allah gives the light to both of them . amin


and for me...today..now, the clock is crawling to 1.14 am. and I am enjoying this time , as I am proudly to say that today is my dearest mother's birthday!!!! hooray...so you know my intention of staying up at this hour..just to write something to wish her birthday... and around 12 something just now, I was calling her... to wish. the voice was different.
I thought she was holding back the tears. and guess what, I just realised that was just a sound of voice of somebody yawning. yeah. she was yawning. what a sad, hehehehe...

anyway, that is my mother. the one that always made me crying in silent...the one that made me laugh when I am alone just thinking of her funny actions and jokes, the one that taught me the meaning of the true patience and love without need to voice it out, cannot help myself for not missing and loving her....

I always have a dream. if I were destined by Allah to get married and become a mother, I will perfectly immitate her. I will become my mother junior of raising my children. hardly showing her tears infront of her children, always wake up early in the morning, washing our used & dirt clothes, willingly cook for the breakfast, and the lists go on on on and on....

I love my mom...(ouch...all of sudden the heart is feeling like popping out....how much I love and miss her...)
and I know Allah Is The Greatest of giving me this ni'mat... of having her as my mom in this temporary world. I always pray that Allah will place her in His Jannah... forgive all her sins... put away anything that discomfort her heart.... amin......


so went into the labour room made me realised that how much she had suffered just to get me out of that dark narrow tunnel.

Thank you, mak....I love love love you....Thank you Allah for everything that I have....Alhamdulillah :)

Thursday, August 16, 2012

:::Pelangi Hati (The Rainbow Heart):::

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah

Alhamdulillah dan Alhamdulillah....exam habis dah.! yeay.. (bajet menjerit mcm dlm drama2 tu!)

ntah la . banyak benda nak kena skrew balik. otak banyak terlepas skrew 2 bulan ni. Iman rasanya pudar dan pudar dan pudar dannnnnn....(tengah renovate dan decorate balik ni..bagi bling bling siket....[gimme five, girls!]. sementara iman berpudar, saya berusaha di tengah kesibukan bergelumang dengan kerja dunia, mengecat semula supaya ia terang terang dan terang... jangan pudar ya iman, nanti hati nampak huduh (hodoh). 

Alright, doa banyak2 untuk usaha ini agar istiqamah dan mekar fresh. 

Hati Kosong .. :( Jadi.....

kyaaa.... cat balik......... !!!

1. Truly creepy.
Alhamdulillah. ujian teori tu, well...so-so...tawakkal ok?
yang saya nak crita ni ujian klinikal. It was pretty creepy! saya dapat 3 patients. 1 untuk long case[kena present dengan 2 pensyarah dalam bilik. ] . Allhamdulillah. dapat doktor pakar yang wajahnya berseri seri dek panahan keimanan gitu. satu lagi pensyarah bukan islam tapi semestinya sangat lah baik. 
anyway, saya punya case senang [kot]. akibat itulah saya banyak terlepas pandang banyak points. setengah jam di bilik itu, woah. rasa mcm kebas satu badan. [nervous lah tu..]... jawapan banyak merapu satu hal, Alhamdulillah...tu lah... dpat doktor muslim tu jadi examiner , hopefully Allah lembutkan hatinya untuk luluskan saya. InsyaAllah.... last2 tu, dia berborak pulak. [at least tak tanya lagi apa2 pasal patient!] ..

"orang mane? duduk mane? raya kat mane? [dalam bahasa sarawak as he is sarawakian:)]
"raya datanglah rumah. nanti message lah.." [I was like..... @@""]... TERHARU! walaupun saya banyak ckp jawapan merapu, dia sempat lagi ckp mcm tu. terima kasih, Dr. A! Semoga Allah merahmati kitak sekeluarga! amin

2. Yusuf, I am truly sad!
ada sorang patient. nama nya yusuf. dia diagnose dengan penyakit yang kronik. umur baru 25. 
masa kat Male Ward, saya pernah berborak dengan dia. dan saya tahu dia seorang hamba Allah yang baru menyedari betapa sayangnya Allah pada nya. berderai air matanya apabila saya merapati di sisi katil dan berbicara tentang Allah. saya lihat matanya. penuh penyesalan. perkara terakhir yang dia bagitahu saya..."Mana arah kiblat?" (sedihnya ingat balik. T_T") . saya seronok malam tu sebab dia bersemangat nak solat. Ya. saya seronok. dan lepas peristiwa tu, saya dijadualkan berada di Female Ward. dan seminggu lepas tu, kawan saya cakap, Yusuf dah meninggal . I was like...TERKEDU. saya tak sempat jenguk dia lagi....tak sempat tanya, "macam mane hari tu? apa khabar hari ni?" 

Subhanallah...Yusuf pergi selama-lamanya menghadap Yang Esa dalam bulan penuh barokah, Ramadhan...untungnya...diri sendiri ni tak tahu mcam mane lagi ;;; :(
[Ya Allah, Engkau jadikanlah aku hambaMu yang sentiasa ingat dan tunduk dengan perintah Mu. memohon ampun dan taubat hanya kepadaMu...Ya waa si' al maghfirrah....amin]

3. Truly alone :(
where's everyone in this blogging world? 
mane ni mane yang tu? sometimes, I need you guys for your opinions, and restoring back my spirit. ouh. 

4.Truly hoping.
Mendoakan agar mereka yang di syria, palestin, muslim myanmar,mesir, malaysia,indonesia dan seluruh umat islam agar ditetapkan hati dan iman. diampunkan dosa2 dan dorahmati syurga. dikuatkan semangat jihad fisabilillah. 

Ya Allah,
 jadikanlah kesedihan mereka, kesedihanku jua,
keperitan mereka keperitanku jua,
kesakitan mereka kesakitanku jua....
kerana mereka saudaraku.
aku tidak punya senjata hebat untuk menembak tentera Basyar Al Assad, namun ku punya senjata doa untuk membenam mereka. 
Moga Allah istiqamahkan hati untuk mendoakan kemenangan & kekuatan saudara2ku. Amin

nota kaki: Ramadhan bakal pergi bukan? in less than 3 days time. saya seperti terkena kejutan elektrik. "

"sekejap nya? hah? huh? heh? whattttt?for real?could you repeat it??? oh? tidak!!!!!!"

dan the list of objecting words go on like a waterfall....

mungkin kerana saya banyak menghabiskan masa untuk urusan dunia barangkali ya? Allah, sedihnya....
apalagi...pulun qiam... ! qiam qiam qiam...saya takut selepas ramadhan, diri masih lagi di takuk yg sama....taknak...saya nak panjat takuk atas... taknak jatuh! 

ini rasa hati saya.... sedih, pilu....

YA, saya hipokrit kerana pura pura gembira jika sahabat2 pasang lagu raya,
YA, saya marah jika lagu raya dipasang di shopping complex padahal ramadhan tak mula pun lagi!
YA, saya rasa bodoh jika saya tidak bangun qiam!

Syawal, datangmu tidak ku undang bukan kerana membenci. Raya tanda kemenangan umat islam. syukur alhamdulillah tetapi, Ramadhan terlalu pantas buatku. :(