endless sadness

it has been a while not writing anything. i have one story. to tell . honestly, I dont and never ever understand a man. will never. giving promises like no day tomorrow, but once you got her, you simply treat her like a trash. nah. you didnt feel that . like pointing all her flaws in details. no. you cant do that. though you are a damn honest person, you seriously cant do that. everything you said or regurg out will not going to the air, it will go to her heart. betullah, the words really can tear the heart.
when she almost giving her heart, you simply crush her heart like nothing . like she will stay forever.
i was scared saying those final words to you. but i was determined. though it was a while, it was still a nightmare for me. being treated in such a way, my mistakes were clearly stated without mercy and concern, while im keeping my patience all this while. at last, i choose to leave when at first, i keep saying to stay. with all the injustice judgement, i choose to leave. not because of hatred, but i was too scared and traumatised. what will happen to my life after this? single forever? only Allah knows. but for sure, im in deep phase of hibernating. not going to open my heart to anyone. not this time. 😭😭😭😭😭

:: wishlists ::

Assalamualaikum How you doing? Good? Alhamdulillah I got another chance given by Allah to update my dusty kinda blog. Hihihi After I finished my medical school, my life goes on like usual. I mean, not really like usual, whereby I dont need to flip over my bloody medical books anymore!!! Thats something to celebrate guys. Alhamdulillah.

my daily activities has changed completely. for the time being, I am more towards mommy mommy routine except for doing laundry because my mom would not let me do that cause thats her forte for 30 years! Hooray Basically, I would help her cooking. Thats my forte guys... herherher. Sometimes I do bake things. Thats my all time interest! I love baking that I think I really want to own a bakery! In the future? Perhaps

For these few months, a lot of things happened. Personally, I think thats a normal process of a human being. Stages of life. Herherherher

Im not going to talk about that anyway. Because my post today would be something about my dreams. Something that I wish to do and even after I become a wife 1 day, insyaAllah, hopefully my future husband would allow me to do them.

1. Perform an umrah/hajj
I guess, its not just my dream. Its everyone dreams. Right??? I wish I could go there in my young age. Of course, those chosen by Allah to be His honourable guests in that holy land are lucky! Currently, I have to make sure my account is bertingkek tingkek. InsyaAllah... of course I would count my parents in. May Allah ease my intention. Amin

2. Be a wife
I can't denied how lucky is the person getting that title. A wife to si polan bin polan. I mean, hey, thats your ticket to jannah if you are doing a great duty as a wife! Sapa taknakkk? I am 24yo. I think in my previous previous post, when i was in year 3, i wrote something about my target age to get married. Its 21yo, 23yo, 25yo and 28yo. Hahahaha... so childish.. now, I think it can be at any age as it has already written in luh mahfuz kan? So, to the garbage those childish targets. Hahahahaa...
to be a wife, you need to learn a lot of things. Housechores, akhlak as a wife, akhlak as a menantu, akhlak to both my parents and bla bla bla... it is endless. I hope my future husband would understand me. My childish act, my clumsiness, my weird behaviour sometimes, my tiredness, my expresions, my sifat penakut, I can't sleep alone in a room, because i cant stand mistik2 things... thats why i dont prefer ghost stories or movies. My eating behavior, my blunt and blur nature and all. Its okay. I would brief my future husband more details after we get married.

3. Backpacking travels
I wish after i perform umrah or hajj, i wish to go for backpakcing. I dont prefer beach or ocean cause it scares me. Sunburn summore. Ergh..my dream destination is somewhere that has mountain like padang indonesia? One of them. Owh... turki also included. Sapa taknak g turki? Loser.
Why I choose backpacking style? Jimat la of course. A cheapskate like me would do everything to save money. Sometimes, boros jugekkkk...

4. Be a novelist
Actually, I love writing! Hehehehe... of course I love talking too.
My journey and dream to be a novelist is not easy. I step on abundant thorns along the journey. Sobsobsob. I start writing and working on 1 novel since matrik I think. And it is in my laptop like if I got ideas, I would add in stuffs in my novel. It actually lasted until my medical school like until year 4 before the tragedy happened. Sobsobsob...
my novelllll... *slapslap
Actually i wrote almost 100++ pages. You know, from a nasty nasty novel and I add in islamic touch.... and it towards the end guys. ...when my younger brother formated my laptop because of virus hatch in it. Gosh! I hate virusssses... and a dumb like me only did backup on my medical notes. But I just realised that I didnt backup my novel. And it just burn like that. Cruel viruses featuring a stupid me. I was at a total loss at that time. Its okay. I hope my future husband will get that file back. I know its impossibleeeee!!!  Why must be my future husband? Because my novel is my top secret until it is being published. But now, all of my years writing that bloody novel is in vain. Sia sia. So, i dont think I can write again. Sedih right?

5. Fix my old smartphone
I am using asus right now. But i miss my old samsung galaxy. All my photos since 3rd year in there. After I left my medical school, i put it inside a box... hopefully i dint misplace it. Wait ya samsung... I will be looking for you.

6. Gardening
Ngeeeee... i got a new interest. Yet to be practiced. Hihihi.. I watched majalah 3 and there was 1 slot about gardening. A husband and wife both doing that activity... wow... so interestingggg... they plant vegies and I myself would like to plant too... insyaAllah...

* I think thats all for the time being. Will add on later on in the same post. I am sleepy. Eh tetiba... really... maybe because of that novel. Ergh.
* i found my blogging activity becomes easy peasy as i can just update my blog using my smartphone.

Dan Allah lah yang menjadikan kita tertawa and menangis.

:: bye bye, medical school! ::

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarokatuh hi, how are you doing? :) Alhamdulillah, I've gotten myself some precious time actually, to update my blog. hehe to whom it may concern (kekeke), alhamdulillah, with the help from Allah SWT, I passed my final professional examination. the result was endorsed on 9th May 2015 (around 3 weeks ago). Alhamdulillah tsumma Alhamdulillah. 5 years stuffing my brain with a lot of medical stuffs, lemme take some break after final exam before I am called for work. so, I am officially penganggur sementara for the time being. hopefully, it would not take long time to call my friends and I for housemanship. you know, things inside this brain can sometimes become rusted, though brain is not a metal (lame joke, ezah!) haha let me tell you what I got during my exam. I was given patient with gastric carcinoma (kanser perut). I was given 1 hour (sharp, really), to ask the patient and at the end come out with my diagnosis. and after 1 hour, there were 3 examiners (one from private hospital, one from UNIMAS and another one was ... I can't remember his name and from which hospital he is working, but he is a physician.) . so, these 3 examiners listened to my history regarding the patient. hihi. I was so nervous that I think my hands were trembling and cold as ice! really. 'this is it! this is the final. and you are going to be a doctor after this. insyaAllah" Thats what I told myself before I met the patient. that patient seriously very cooperative patient! Alhamdulillah. just a short recap about my exam that day. now, I am waiting for the call from the ministry of health. faster cause I wanna work! insyaAllah. I will be a good doctor to my patients, improve my patience, sharpen my knowledge and clinical skills. insyaAllah biiznillah. amin 'dan berbuat baiklah (kepada orang lain) sebagaimana Allah SWT telah berbuat baik kepadamu, dan janganlah kamu berbuat kerosakan di muka bumi. Sesungguhnya Allah SWT tidak menyukai orang2 yang berbuat kerosakan' (Al Qashas 28: 77)