#1 :::Dedicated to this inspired-blogger:::
I'm deeply truly heavily waiting for that blog to be updated [again].. THOUGH I know the blog will not going to be updated any longer and that's IMPOSSIBLE to happen... THOUGH as it might be updated, but it won't be the same writing again as it is NOT FROM THE REAL BLOGGER that owned that blog. It's kinda different...ermmm....
I'm creating my own blog [WAS ACTUALLY] not for public-reading. I was like creating this blog merely for my own goodness [ONLY] because I take this space merely to record or jot down anything that happen to me. BUT it was back back then before I met this blog with a fact that the blogger is just passed away[by that time]. The way he inspired blog readers was super-duper impressive and remarkable. What a splendid blogger he was! I'm not saying that I am urging for his comeback. NOT..I am MUSLIM...and I know that's qada' and qadar from Allah. HE is THE ONE that deserve to make any decision for HIS SLAVES...and that's much accepted by me.. [AL-FATIHAH for allahyarham doctor....]
#2:::DOSAGE OF IMAN:::
I need some more dosage for my iman. I am feeling very sad as I am aware that my iman is fluctuating. and that's not a good news for me.. I'm not intend distancing myself from ALLAH. but I've no ideas why I'm feeling that way..[by this very moment]...nauzubillahhiminazalik! astaghfirullah hal azim...
and for solat, I'm still improving my humbleness [khusyuk] in every prayers that I made. SUSAH ! that's frustrating me a lot. Before solat, I'm ready to get khusyuk.........then...frustrated...I am sad when something goes beyond my control [yes, I do!].I get frustrated when I think of something else during solat...I know Allah is testing me...and what more with this kind of test. I share this problem with my friends and still ,get back to the square one, I am still not satisfied with my own feeling. THANK YOU any of my friends that willingly to lend me your ears, but I guess it is better for me to deal it by my own.
Then, I google up something for khusyuk in solat and I get these:
Aku berdiri dengan penuh kewaspadaan dan aku rasakan aku sedang berhadapan dengan ALLAH, Syurga di sebelah kananku, Neraka di sebelah kiriku, Malaikat Maut berada di belakangku, dan aku bayangkan pula aku seolah-olah berdiri di atas titian 'Siratal Mustaqim' dan menganggap bahawa solatku kali ini adalah solat terakhir bagiku, kemudian aku berniat dan bertakbir dengan baik." Setiap bacaan dan doa dalam solat ku faham maknanya, kemudian aku rukuk dan sujud dengan tawadhuk, akubertasyahud dengan penuh pengharapan dan aku memberi salam dengan ikhlas.
hopefully, Insyaallah...with the names of ALLAH, ar-Rahman ar-Rahim, I will try my very best [very very], to improve my solat and also fixing my uneasy heart..
I am wondering, whenever my heart have problems to encounter with, I would rather easily apply anti-septic or anti-biotic or combine both of them to give me some combo-effect to treat it. It is so much hated by me whenever there is a barrier [my own feeling] between me and MY CREATOR in my solat or everytime I think of Allah...I just want to tear the barrier with my own hands if it were happen to be just a one-inch paper, I wanna break it apart with my sharpest knife if it were ever to be a wood barrier...I wanna to finely chop it with my chopper. I want to...but physically it is beyond my control. and that's a sorrow for me.
The best way is reciting Al-Quran...that will not just tear it off, or break it off or even not just finely chop it, indeed, I fully trusted that AL-QURAN will melt it off as if there is no barrier before...and also to gun-fire Syaitan and their culprit gang that circulate in my own body..[sound scary right? but don't be..it is a fact...]
erm...I'm done with sesi meluahkan rasa terbuku di hati ini [wah! rasa novelist nyaaa!]
I know ALLAH will never leave me...NEVER...I want to be fair as well to my CREATOR...I don't want to leave Allah as well. I need ALLAH....I need ISLAM...I need USRAH...I want to be [ALWAYS] want to stay connected with ALLAH much more than connecting with someone that's not mine [yet]...ALLAH is more important....[I wish someone is understand but sadly someone is not...I am not frustrated for that someone because of what? ALLAH..yes..ALLAH...always close with...lending me HIS oxygen for me to carry on with my life...granting me with ISLAM...IMAN...alhamdulillah...and that's more important,someone..that's much more important...I don't need you...I need ALLAH more more more..ALLAH IS MY NURUL QALBI!
#3:::An open-letter for _________ :::
"I'm not going to ruin my life just to chase after someone that not happy if I ever mistreat him..I choose ALLAH...so.. a big and cheerful FAREWELL for you from me...so feel free to leave me and feel free to improve your connection with ALLAH as well...pray for the best..not for us but for ISLAM..remember your du'a..."
rasa lega bila meluahkan rasa tak senang [uneasy feeling].
JOM SAMA-SAMA BERSEMANGAT BERIBADAH! KHUSYUK SOLAT!JOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!