::Wallahi Watallahi Wabillahi::

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:: Here is my journey! ::

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Thursday, August 30, 2012

From That Dark Narrow Tunnel

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah...

I've no idea why am I so excited to share this story. perhaps to spread the happiness to everyone? or just to improve my english writing [Oh my English ! ]

Today, I went into the labour room [tempat orang bersalin tu..] ...

... to observe the struggling mother delivering her baby...

I was standing at one of the corner of the small labour room, it was 9pm when I started to stand there, (not much like a dummy ), watching the lady, at that time,.

When she was broke down in tears for the honest-to-goodness pain of the labour, I knew I had to hold back my voice, and most most most importantly my stomach content!

"now now.." whispering to myself.

the mother was extremely in pain. with the flushed face indicating how hard she was straining just to get the baby out to see the world. this temporary  world  subhanallah... Allah Is The Greatest.

and so I started to say..'now baby... you are in the starting line , charting your own life in the long journey and to Allah you shall return at the end of the day... be a muslim ok?' sadly said because the innocent baby came out to the world by a non-muslim mother. and May Allah gives the light to both of them . amin

...

and for me...today..now, the clock is crawling to 1.14 am. and I am enjoying this time , as I am proudly to say that today is my dearest mother's birthday!!!! hooray...so you know my intention of staying up at this hour..just to write something to wish her birthday... and around 12 something just now, I was calling her... to wish. the voice was different.
I thought she was holding back the tears. and guess what, I just realised that was just a sound of voice of somebody yawning. yeah. she was yawning. what a sad, hehehehe...

anyway, that is my mother. the one that always made me crying in silent...the one that made me laugh when I am alone just thinking of her funny actions and jokes, the one that taught me the meaning of the true patience and love without need to voice it out, cannot help myself for not missing and loving her....

I always have a dream. if I were destined by Allah to get married and become a mother, I will perfectly immitate her. I will become my mother junior of raising my children. hardly showing her tears infront of her children, always wake up early in the morning, washing our used & dirt clothes, willingly cook for the breakfast, and the lists go on on on and on....

I love my mom...(ouch...all of sudden the heart is feeling like popping out....how much I love and miss her...)
and I know Allah Is The Greatest of giving me this ni'mat... of having her as my mom in this temporary world. I always pray that Allah will place her in His Jannah... forgive all her sins... put away anything that discomfort her heart.... amin......

....

so went into the labour room made me realised that how much she had suffered just to get me out of that dark narrow tunnel.

Thank you, mak....I love love love you....Thank you Allah for everything that I have....Alhamdulillah :)

Thursday, August 16, 2012

:::Pelangi Hati (The Rainbow Heart):::

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah

Alhamdulillah dan Alhamdulillah....exam habis dah.! yeay.. (bajet menjerit mcm dlm drama2 tu!)

ntah la . banyak benda nak kena skrew balik. otak banyak terlepas skrew 2 bulan ni. Iman rasanya pudar dan pudar dan pudar dannnnnn....(tengah renovate dan decorate balik ni..bagi bling bling siket....[gimme five, girls!]. sementara iman berpudar, saya berusaha di tengah kesibukan bergelumang dengan kerja dunia, mengecat semula supaya ia terang terang dan terang... jangan pudar ya iman, nanti hati nampak huduh (hodoh). 

Alright, doa banyak2 untuk usaha ini agar istiqamah dan mekar fresh. 

Hati Kosong .. :( Jadi.....

kyaaa.... cat balik......... !!!


1. Truly creepy.
Alhamdulillah. ujian teori tu, well...so-so...tawakkal ok?
yang saya nak crita ni ujian klinikal. It was pretty creepy! saya dapat 3 patients. 1 untuk long case[kena present dengan 2 pensyarah dalam bilik. ] . Allhamdulillah. dapat doktor pakar yang wajahnya berseri seri dek panahan keimanan gitu. satu lagi pensyarah bukan islam tapi semestinya sangat lah baik. 
anyway, saya punya case senang [kot]. akibat itulah saya banyak terlepas pandang banyak points. setengah jam di bilik itu, woah. rasa mcm kebas satu badan. [nervous lah tu..]... jawapan banyak merapu satu hal, Alhamdulillah...tu lah... dpat doktor muslim tu jadi examiner , hopefully Allah lembutkan hatinya untuk luluskan saya. InsyaAllah.... last2 tu, dia berborak pulak. [at least tak tanya lagi apa2 pasal patient!] ..

"orang mane? duduk mane? raya kat mane? [dalam bahasa sarawak as he is sarawakian:)]
"raya datanglah rumah. nanti message lah.." [I was like..... @@""]... TERHARU! walaupun saya banyak ckp jawapan merapu, dia sempat lagi ckp mcm tu. terima kasih, Dr. A! Semoga Allah merahmati kitak sekeluarga! amin

2. Yusuf, I am truly sad!
ada sorang patient. nama nya yusuf. dia diagnose dengan penyakit yang kronik. umur baru 25. 
masa kat Male Ward, saya pernah berborak dengan dia. dan saya tahu dia seorang hamba Allah yang baru menyedari betapa sayangnya Allah pada nya. berderai air matanya apabila saya merapati di sisi katil dan berbicara tentang Allah. saya lihat matanya. penuh penyesalan. perkara terakhir yang dia bagitahu saya..."Mana arah kiblat?" (sedihnya ingat balik. T_T") . saya seronok malam tu sebab dia bersemangat nak solat. Ya. saya seronok. dan lepas peristiwa tu, saya dijadualkan berada di Female Ward. dan seminggu lepas tu, kawan saya cakap, Yusuf dah meninggal . I was like...TERKEDU. saya tak sempat jenguk dia lagi....tak sempat tanya, "macam mane hari tu? apa khabar hari ni?" 

Subhanallah...Yusuf pergi selama-lamanya menghadap Yang Esa dalam bulan penuh barokah, Ramadhan...untungnya...diri sendiri ni tak tahu mcam mane lagi ;;; :(
...
[Ya Allah, Engkau jadikanlah aku hambaMu yang sentiasa ingat dan tunduk dengan perintah Mu. memohon ampun dan taubat hanya kepadaMu...Ya waa si' al maghfirrah....amin]

3. Truly alone :(
where's everyone in this blogging world? 
mane ni mane yang tu? sometimes, I need you guys for your opinions, and restoring back my spirit. ouh. 

4.Truly hoping.
Mendoakan agar mereka yang di syria, palestin, muslim myanmar,mesir, malaysia,indonesia dan seluruh umat islam agar ditetapkan hati dan iman. diampunkan dosa2 dan dorahmati syurga. dikuatkan semangat jihad fisabilillah. 

Ya Allah,
 jadikanlah kesedihan mereka, kesedihanku jua,
keperitan mereka keperitanku jua,
kesakitan mereka kesakitanku jua....
kerana mereka saudaraku.
aku tidak punya senjata hebat untuk menembak tentera Basyar Al Assad, namun ku punya senjata doa untuk membenam mereka. 
Moga Allah istiqamahkan hati untuk mendoakan kemenangan & kekuatan saudara2ku. Amin


...
nota kaki: Ramadhan bakal pergi bukan? in less than 3 days time. saya seperti terkena kejutan elektrik. "

"sekejap nya? hah? huh? heh? whattttt?for real?could you repeat it??? oh? tidak!!!!!!"

dan the list of objecting words go on like a waterfall....

mungkin kerana saya banyak menghabiskan masa untuk urusan dunia barangkali ya? Allah, sedihnya....
apalagi...pulun qiam... ! qiam qiam qiam...saya takut selepas ramadhan, diri masih lagi di takuk yg sama....taknak...saya nak panjat takuk atas... taknak jatuh! 


ini rasa hati saya.... sedih, pilu....

YA, saya hipokrit kerana pura pura gembira jika sahabat2 pasang lagu raya,
YA, saya marah jika lagu raya dipasang di shopping complex padahal ramadhan tak mula pun lagi!
YA, saya rasa bodoh jika saya tidak bangun qiam!

Syawal, datangmu tidak ku undang bukan kerana membenci. Raya tanda kemenangan umat islam. syukur alhamdulillah tetapi, Ramadhan terlalu pantas buatku. :(